Forgiveness

In your life time, you're going to be wronged by multiple people. It's inevitable. But it's what happens after you've been wronged that really counts. I'm not saying you have to forgive everyone right away, because frankly; you may never get an apology and that's something you'll have to live with.

I also not saying that someone will apologize right away. Take my friend and I for example. In January of this year we had a fallout that resulted in us not talking to each other, until last night. For the first time in five months last night I talked to one of my formally best friends for three hours and let him know how he had hurt me and that I was still angry with him for what had happened. At the end of the night I let him know that I didn't forgive him for what he did, that I wasn't ready to forgive him, but that I was open to making more steps towards forgiveness. It took five months to receive an apology, and we may never go back to the way we were.. but he apologized and I will work towards forgiving him. 

Forgiveness is a very powerful thing, you have to be forgiving in the right ways. If you're forgiving in the wrong ways you could allow yourself to become even more hurt. They tell us to forgive and forget, but the truth is; you shouldn't forget everything. You have to allow yourself to remember how that person hurt you so that you know if you need to cut the ties and realize that they are dangerous to you. If you forget what they did, then chances are, they'll forget too. Which means they'll probably do it again and it'll become an endless cycle. Don't forget the hurt you felt, and the way they made you feel; but don't use it as a guilt trip forever. Let them know but don't abuse them with it. 

Furthermore, the key to accepting an apology. When someone apologizes to us we usually jump right to saying "it's okay." This is the wrong thing to say; simply because it makes it out to sound like that the wrongful thing they did was okay and that if they do it again then it's okay. The correct way to accept someone's apology is to simply do that. In a case where you are being apologized to you should tell the person "I accept your apology", this let's them know that you recognize that they feel badly about what they did without letting them think that it's okay to hurt you.

We're always told that 'hate' is a powerful word, but in the same way... so is 'forgive'.

Her Last Adventure

As a senior in high school, I've been faced with many 'lasts' this year. Most of them have been very hard on me as I'm not one who likes change, thought I've been through so much of it. However what people often forget is that you experience last things every day, most of the time without even knowing it. That's a very hard concept to grasp. 

On Tuesday of this week ( May 3), a Junior from my local high school passed away after a car accident.  Without knowing it, she completed many of her last tasks that day. You see, she was on her way home from her last track meet, where she ran hurdles for the last time, competed in a relay for the last time, among other things I'm sure. She also drove towards her family home for the last time. Now this may cause distress to others, however our community has been very comforted by the fact that this Junior was so open with her relationship with God. It was ever present with her, and it was beautiful. Now I always thought that I was good at writing, and I realize that to some extent I am. But man, could this girl write. Much like myself she had a blog, though a very different style than mine. I consider myself to have an advice blog, but lets be honest I mainly am just writing to myself here. Laura however, used her blog to preach, to allow people to connect with God. Yet she still related it to every day stories.  

"As I reflect on the moments in life when I felt most alive, I realize it's when I felt fully known. I felt understood. It's when I related deeply with others and with my Creator. 

To know, and to fully be known. 

I think this is what awakens our soul. 

And the One who fully knows us, is the Creator of both spirit and flesh--body and soul. 

And He, this omnipotent being, also desires for us to know Him and to have a relationship with Him. Without a relationship with Jesus Christ, you will never be fully alive. Call upon the One who died for you, so you may have life--to the fullest, and for eternity.  

For that, my friend, is the greatest ADVENTURE. "

Above is a quote from the last post on Laura's blog, written almost exactly two months to the day that she passed away. Because she was only seventeen it may seem as though she was not given the chance to live life to the fullest or have her great adventure. However after attending her services today, it became apparent to me that this girl lived her whole life as an adventure, and that simply spreading the word of God allowed her to feel alive. What may seem to be Laura's last adventure is anything but, as she now as an eternity full of adventure. Today at the service we got to see how truly wonderful this girl was, and how many people she impacted. Our school auditorium was filled, we had to broadcast the service into another room so people could watch; and there were still people standing in the back observing. The pastor kept reiterating the change Laura wanted to make, and the word she wanted to get out, and though the circumstances were not ideal, she did it and she will continue to do it forever. 

So while we need to grieve and be heartbroken, we must remember that Laura is in the place she preached so much about, the place where all of her faith was, and for that we must rejoice.  As Laura says in another post, 

"We were made to discover, go on adventures. To laugh and find joy in the small areas of life. We were made to fellowship with others, share with them in happiness as well as pain. We feed of each other, we need each other. We need to not hide our feelings or try to walk this rode alone."

Never Will I..

For those who know me, you've probably heard me say " I will never play soccer after high school." or " this will be the last time I ever take band as a class." I think you can all call me a liar now. On Tuesday I signed up for my fall semester of classes at Rocky Mountain... one of those classes? Concert band; even though I've taken high school band as college credit for the past two years- but who's counting. Plus added bonus: if I take concert band as a class and go play pep band for the school I get paid work study for the time I play. So there's the first thing I lied about.  Onto the second, the thing I've been promising for years. Swearing to Dad that I wouldn't dress out for a school team after high school. That could become false. Today I sent off my soccer resume to the head coach up at Rocky Mountain College. While I'm still not sure if I want to play, and the coach is aware of this.. it doesn't hurt to keep my options open.
The moral behind this is it's okay to change your mind on big and little things. However; it's important to keep in mind that the changes are going to effect you. It may be in a positive way, it may be in a negative way. But hey, no matter what you're going to have learned from the decision you made. When I decided I wanted to be a photographer, it pretty much just came out of the blue. One day I just decided that being a photographer was what I was going to do. Until that day I had on and off thoughts of being an interior designer; these are two completely different things. Now everything I do revolves around photography, without even thinking about it. Because I want to be an event photographer, that means I most likely will start out with a publication of some sort meaning there may be times when I have to write stories about what I took pictures of.. hint hint. But it's not just limited to the writing, I look at things differently now; I think of how I would want to take a picture of them and what the best way to capture that moment would be. Obviously, I see this as a positive change of mind.
A negative change of mind for me would be when I decided it wasn't worth it for me to try and get my Associate's degree because I wanted to have fun during the summer. I ended up working full time during that summer anyways. If I had taken those classes to get that degree, I'd be that much farther ahead of everyone else and closer to being able to have a career and live. Instead I didn't want to put in the effort and now have to start at the bottom despite having 38 college credits. Negative change in mind.
Don't be afraid to do something you said you would never do it. But at the same time, don't let people influence you. For years the reason I didn't want to play college soccer was because my dad kept telling me I should and I wanted to break away from him. I wanted to be my own person, and not the soccer daughter from the soccer dad. Now I'm simply giving myself the option because hey, I'm only signed up for about five classes that fall semester when soccer takes place and maybe, just maybe, I'll want to do it. Changing your mind is okay.

Commitment

Over the past few weeks I have really understood what it means to be committed. A week ago I competed in my last meet as a high school Speech and Debate competitor, after being fully committed to that team for four years. On Thursday I completed my last first day of soccer practice, a sport I've been committed to since I was 5 years old; in two months I will graduate from Newcastle High School, a school I've been committed to for the past four years.
According to Merriam Webster, the simple definition of 'Commitment' is- "a promise to be loyal to someone or something." But when we look at this more in depth, we can see that commitment does not have to be something of a large factor. For example, I noticed that I drink a lot of soda, especially when I'm at work ( I work in a grocery store, can you blame me)- but with it being my senior year of soccer I've decided that I'm going to limit myself to one soda a day. This may still seem like a lot, but when you take into account that I'm a high school student, it's fairly reasonable. That's a commitment, even if it isn't as extreme as cutting out any unnecessary sugar out of my diet.
As seniors, the entirety of our senior year is about making commitments. We're expected to decide what college we're going to, what we're going to major in, what kind of roommate we want, and where we are going to live. Among many other decisions. Four hours ago, I couldn't decide what I wanted to order from Applebee's but I have to mark where I want to live for a year on a piece of paper by next Friday and mail it off. That's a lot of pressure. Not to mention all of the doubt; we could believe we have it all down to a 'T', and then two months before graduation suddenly realize we don't know what we want, or what to do. But that's okay, commitment is not by any means a life sentence. No where in the definition of commitment does is say that you have to show that commitment forever, you can change what you're committed to. If you've gone your entire senior year planning on going to college to be a communications major and once you get to school learn it isn't for you, you can change your major. Don't be afraid to change your mind.
In the beginning of this I talked about some of my commitments that are coming to an end, but as these are coming to an end I've made some new commitments. About two weeks ago I signed to Rocky Mountain College as an Art Major. Also I ordered the Quesadilla Burger with fries.

New Year, New Blog

Hello esteemed readers,
I realize it has been about two years since I have actually used this blog, but I think I am ready to get back at it. I am now entering the second semester of my senior year, and in doing so I figured family and friends would like to be kept a little more updated on what I plan on doing after graduation besides the occasional Facebook post. From this point I will attempt to post on here about progress in my life after high school plans. This should be a little bit easier to keep up on than posting regular posts like my old blog was used for, especially when my new laptop comes in. I have also enabled it so that my blog will be able to located using search engines so that if any other high school students, i.e. graduating seniors, stumble upon this that it can be used as an advice blog. All for now, just wanted every one to understand the changes being made.