Forgiveness

In your life time, you're going to be wronged by multiple people. It's inevitable. But it's what happens after you've been wronged that really counts. I'm not saying you have to forgive everyone right away, because frankly; you may never get an apology and that's something you'll have to live with.

I also not saying that someone will apologize right away. Take my friend and I for example. In January of this year we had a fallout that resulted in us not talking to each other, until last night. For the first time in five months last night I talked to one of my formally best friends for three hours and let him know how he had hurt me and that I was still angry with him for what had happened. At the end of the night I let him know that I didn't forgive him for what he did, that I wasn't ready to forgive him, but that I was open to making more steps towards forgiveness. It took five months to receive an apology, and we may never go back to the way we were.. but he apologized and I will work towards forgiving him. 

Forgiveness is a very powerful thing, you have to be forgiving in the right ways. If you're forgiving in the wrong ways you could allow yourself to become even more hurt. They tell us to forgive and forget, but the truth is; you shouldn't forget everything. You have to allow yourself to remember how that person hurt you so that you know if you need to cut the ties and realize that they are dangerous to you. If you forget what they did, then chances are, they'll forget too. Which means they'll probably do it again and it'll become an endless cycle. Don't forget the hurt you felt, and the way they made you feel; but don't use it as a guilt trip forever. Let them know but don't abuse them with it. 

Furthermore, the key to accepting an apology. When someone apologizes to us we usually jump right to saying "it's okay." This is the wrong thing to say; simply because it makes it out to sound like that the wrongful thing they did was okay and that if they do it again then it's okay. The correct way to accept someone's apology is to simply do that. In a case where you are being apologized to you should tell the person "I accept your apology", this let's them know that you recognize that they feel badly about what they did without letting them think that it's okay to hurt you.

We're always told that 'hate' is a powerful word, but in the same way... so is 'forgive'.